Reality TV at its worst...

As busy as life is these days, I don’t watch the same amount of television that I used to—and this, I suppose, is a good thing. To my dismay, more and more viewing options are falling into the “Reality TV” category. “Reality” TV is cheesy, cheap (for producers to make), and sadly here to stay. Even my TiVO cannot seem to avoid these shows. While a few reality shows are genuinely entertaining and even help people in need—American Idol and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition respectively—the overwhelming majority of these shows, to make use of Bill Walton’s line, are “Horrrr-ible!” But for you, my blog audience, I have made the ultimate sacrifice, so that you might save your healthy brain cells for more productive usage. For your benefit, I have compiled the Top Ten Worst Reality Shows of all time:

1. Survivor (All editions) – Without question, the most insulting “reality” show of all, this show insults your intelligence regularly by pitting 10-15 no-name people with NO talent in fabricated situations where the participants “vote” one another off the show. The players have NO talent, the show is neither funny nor interesting, and the “drama” is consistently contrived. Did I mention the participants have NO TALENT? Why does anyone watch this inane program? Amazingly, this once, hugely popular show with people no more interesting than people you might watch walking by at your local shopping mall is finally on the decline. That’s right, you heard it here first: Survivor: Shop-a-holic Edition is coming to a cable box near you. Imagine the drama: The mall escalator doesn’t work, Starbucks is out of milk for lattes, and Border’s Bookstore is sold out of the latest Harry Potter book. What’s a Shop-a-holic to do??? Sound silly? So is this show!

2. [3-way Tie:] The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Average Joe – Any one of these three shows could have—and probably should have—been called, “How pathetic can I possibly be?” The premise is simple: a guy (or gal) gets to choose from a litter of ill-matched suitors. Events on these shows go well beyond good taste and rely almost solely on Americans’ penchant for voyeurism and pettiness. Average Joe gets a slight not for being a bit more disingenuous. Did anyone truly think believe that throwing people together like this would consistently—if ever—result in true, long-lasting romance? Are people that naïve? Judging from the recurrence of the Bachelor(ette) series, it would seem so.
5. The Simple Life – What happens when a millionaire’s sleazy daughter—best known for a tawdry sex video—gets together with her real-life girlfriend—who’s only claim to fame is having the good fortune of her Dad’s last name—participate in a farce of a situation for ten weeks? Why absolutely nothing! The only thing notable on this show is that is “exhibit A” of why many of today’s Gen X’ers have neither respect for authority nor personal accountability. What were the producers of this show thinking?! That perhaps Paris Hilton would have a wardrobe “problem” a la Janet Jackson? Their incentive certainly could not have been that Paris and Nicole are even remotely interesting or talented. Sadly, Ms. Hilton has parlayed what would otherwise be characterized as acting like a “skank” into a few movie roles as well as a hamburger television commercial. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not “Hating,” I just think a show like this makes movies like Bring It On look like Shakespearean theatre…
6. Being Bobby Brown – One word: Why? The producers of this show would have been better off doing a reality show on Mike Tyson. The “genius” of either is that every episode is a guaranteed train wreck. After all, America doesn’t have quite enough bad stereotypes of African Americans. So the producers clearly felt it was their civic obligation to show just how ignorant Black folks can be under the right circumstances. By now everyone knows the disappointing tail of Whitney’s spiral into drug abuse under Bobby’s watch. What’s sad is watching Bobby make feeble attempts at redemption, while his ignorant, diva, cigarette-smoking, wife acts like a petulant child. To keep it real: NO ONE watches this show to see Bobby—his career has been washed up for years. People watch to see the train wreck (a.k.a.:Whitney). What stupid phrase will Whitney say this episode? How will she insult her fans today? Wow! Does I’m sure Sissy Houston didn’t talk to Whitney like that when she was a child. Damn, is she really that out of touch with reality?
7. Elimidate – Was it that long ago that The Dating Game and Love Connection were doing this format, but in GOOD taste? I suppose so. This show is basically a low budget form of the bachelor(ette) series, but with fewer “casualties.” The show is condensed into a single episode, and the “fun” begins only when the cat fights ensue. Like the other dating shows of this era, it’s pathetic in that the participants are so shallow you see right threw them. Not to mention the fact the producers appear to leave it up the unimaginative contestants to come up with new and inventive ways to bore the audience on uninspiring dates. The jilted contestants consistently express denial that they really are better off as having been jilted—if that was the case, why show up on such a cheesy program at all?
8. The Swan – I reeeeally wanted to like this program. Honestly, I did. The problem is that this show is yet another reminder that looking average—never mind being ugly—is a “condition” that should be fixed, lest you be miserable for the rest of your life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for self-improvement, but the participants on this program don’t need surgery, they need psychological help. For instance, on more than one occasion, the man couldn’t “cope” with the woman’s newly constructed beauty, which resulted in a broken relationship or divorce. That’s just great. So much for a happy ending, but at least she’s “pretty” now, right? I just feel for the guy who missed the episode with these women. Reminder to all: Plastic surgery, Botox, and teeth whitening do not change your DNA! These women will eventually have more kids and the unsuspecting guy will wonder, “How the heck did this happen?”
9. Fear Factor – How low will TV producers go? Exactly $10,000, Baby! You’ve got a one in six chance to win that amount if you’re a contestant on “Sucker Factor”…err…Fear Factor. Alex Trebec cracks me up with his occasional sarcasm as he provides Jeopardy contestants with answers because he does so as if he already knows the answer to the question without having the benefit of the queue cards. I’d like to see the knucklehead host of Fear Factor try the same technique, but I don’t think he’s got the cajones. And will someone please buy him a life supply of Chapstick™? The problem with this program is that it’s not about conquering a fear, it’s about who’s willing to eat something totally disgusting for a chance at ten grand. The losers walk away doomed to obscurity with nothing more than the regret and angst from looking like the fools that they are.
10. Hit Me Baby, One More Time – Why this show isn’t called “One Hit Wonders Get a 2nd Chance” I’ll never know. I’ve only been able to sit through about ten minutes of two episodes. It’s just so painful to watch I can’t justify killing the brain cells. I was glad to see P.M. Dawn do their thing, but I think if you have to stoop this low to get publicity, then it’s truly time to think of a new career, isn’t it?

And there you have it. But if these are the worst of the Reality programs, then which are the best? For that, you’ll have to wait a day or two for that compilation. The results may surprise you…

Peace,

+THINKER